bleah. life sucks totally. turning 21 next week and i realise im growing more and more empty. like.. where's my maturity? totally not myself now. very bad temper, very bad attitude, very bad mindsets, very bad habits... i seem to have insufficient sleep for dunno how long alrdy and i've given up giving a damn abt going and paying attention to lectures. fml xmwang cant wake up.

terrible. feel like im slowly engulfed by some infections and im losing control of everything about myself. it's not the point abt being contented with what i have now. it's the feeling of not being able to integrate into my own life. WHAT? i know i have ppl who really loves and dotes on me, i have a goal in life, i have everything in life to be more than satisfied or contented but it feels like im watching myself from afar the good things and i cant step into my own life. and slowly i become frustrated trying to piece the separation tgt while another force is pulling me out. now im just a tired soul trying my best to act normal but deep down im so tired from the fight. i know my solution but i dont place it in the first place and i can only blame myself for all these. hang on xm. you are an adult now. be strong.

on a lighter note, im getting used to having kenji in my life. so adorable only. haha but pisses me off sometimes too. well, he's cute :)

my timetable sucks ttm but i've got forensics ! yays just hold on for this year and i'll have 2 less mods to take in yr 3!

although i always said i dread my 21st bday, but there's still a little part of me anticipating a little elebration or surprise because well, it's only once in a lifetime. but ah i guess it'll just be more plain than ever. im just a so not lovable person. but, my dearests companies is more than enough :)